“Conservatives are the people who pay the taxes. They’re not the people who get the pork.”

-Newt Gingrich, quoted in today’s Pittsburgh Tribune-Review

“The correlation between donor states and so-called blue states is fairly strong: 13 of the 19 states that Senator Kerry won in 2004 sent more to Washington in taxes than they got back in spending.
Meanwhile, most of the so-called red states profit from federal taxing and spending: 25 of the 31 states President Bush won. “They pay their taxes too,” said Tax Foundation President Scott Hodge, “but those payments are not as high because of the progressive income tax.”

-From a March 16, 2006 report published by the non-partisan Tax Foundation

Incidentally, the reporter who wrote the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review story is named David Brown.

What is it about being named David Brown that makes people write nonsense?

The rape trial of a South African politician is not an inherently interesting news story to me or probably you, but the trial of former South African Deputy President Jacob Zuma (acquited today) is chock full of oddness.

Here are a few tidbits that many of today’s news stories about the case omitted:

1. Zuma claimed that the woman did not cross her legs when she sat near him prior to the alleged rape. Zuma interpreted this as “encouragement”.
2. Zuma says that he did not use a condom because he did not have one. He didn’t go to get one, he claims, because Zulu tradition supposedly teaches that if you leave a woman while she is aroused, she might get angry and then accuse you of rape.
3. The victim is HIV positive.
4. Zuma knew her HIV-status before the alleged rape. Zuma says he showered after the incident, believing it would reduce his likelihood of contracting HIV.
5. As Deputy President, Zuma was in charge of South Africa’s efforts to combat HIV/AIDS.
6. South Africa has the highest number of HIV+ people in the world.

Ugh.

Scott Walker has a new album. It’s stunning.

If you don’t know who Scott Walker is, I’m very sorry.

From today’s Salon.com interview with Peter Singer, author of “The Way We Eat”:

In fact, there’s a University of Chicago study that shows that if you switch from driving an American car to driving a Prius, you’ll cut your carbon-dioxide emissions by one ton per year. But if you switch from a typical U.S. diet, about 28 percent of which comes from animal sources, to a vegan diet with the same number of calories, you’ll cut your carbon-dioxide emissions by nearly 1.5 tons per year.

The following is a real, honest-to-goodness, not-made-up press release.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Bob Griggs, 770-713-8070

CINCO DE MAYO BOYCOTT RALLY PLANNED FOR GWINNETT

The ”Say ‘Yes’ to America” Rally for Gwinnett County, GA has been scheduled for this evening, May 5. The event will kick off at 6 pm near the “On the Border Mexican Grill and Cantina,” 2275 Pleasant Hill Road in Duluth.

The rally and a boycott of Mexican-themed businesses was inspired by the American public’s reaction to the recent pro-illegals marches and the “No Gringo on May 1” protests earlier this week, as well as a call by Gwinnett County residents for a show of solidarity and patriotism on May 5, “Cinco de Mayo.”

The protests also inspired an article by local Internet publisher and community activist Bob Griggs titled “No ‘Mexican’ On Cinco de Mayo.” The article touched a national nerve after it was read on-air by WSB Radio personality Neal Boortz on his nationally-syndicated talk show. Bob has also appeared on the Fox News Channel’s “Fox News Sunday” and several local radio stations to talk about the backlash against the pro-illegals demonstrations.

The rally will convene under the American flag in the parking lot adjacent to the restaurant. State Representative Melvin Everson (R-Snellville), who was instrumental in the passage of Georgia’s “Security and Immigration Compliance Act” (SB-529), is confirmed to speak. Rep. Everson made history last year when he became the first black Republican since Reconstruction to be elected to the State Legislature in a contest race.

“The boycott is not intended to target any particular business,” said Griggs, “but it is appropriate that the rally will occur next to an ‘On the Border’ restaurant.”

According to Griggs, the restaurant’s parent company, Texas-based Brinker International, is a supporter of the National Council of La Raza (www.nclr.org ). The NCLR opposes legislation to close the southern border; opposes requiring proof of residency for a driver’s license; supports granting full citizenship to all Hispanics currently in the country illegally; opposes the prosecution of illegals for using forged documents including Social Security cards; and favors extending government grants, loans and in-state tuition rates to illegals currently in our high schools.

Several hundred local residents have stated their intent to attend via email to rally@bobgriggs.com

—————————————————

Bob’s web site: http://www.bobgriggs.com

“No ‘Mexican’ On Cinco de Mayo”: http://www.bloggwinnett.com/wpblog/bobg/?p=32

Directions (Mapquest): http://tinyurl.com/o6l7g

Georgia Security and Immigration Compliance Act: http://www.aboutgwinnett.net/news/comments/index.php?news_id=158

For you skimmers out there:

A group of “patriots” is gathering outside the On the Border in Duluth tonight to protest and promote a boycott of Cinco De Mayo and “Mexican-themed” businesses.

Gettit? “On The Border.” That’s really clever.

If you miss today’s protest, fear not. On November 2, I hear that these guys will be marking Dia De Los Muertos with a rally outside of the Borders book store in Buckhead.

Idiots.

At 1:15 P.M. today I’m going to be a guest on Mike Gault’s talk radio program, Walking A Thin Line, which originates from TanTalk 1340 in Clearwater, Florida.

The program can be heard live via the internetz by clicking here.

I’ve been invited on-air to discuss the Iran nuclear crisis. Not coincidentally, the Iran nuclear crisis is the subject of my Don’t Panic column this week.

Update: An audio recording of my guest spot on Walking A Thin Line is now on my Web server.

Download my guest spot on Walking A Thin Line 04May2006

Today and tomorrow, I’m like, all, multimedia and stuff.

Today at 11:00A.M. I’ll be on Atlanta & Company (WXIA-TV, Channel 6 on your cable if you’re in Atlanta) to discuss what’s going on around town and to generally make a fool of myself.

Tomorrow at around 1:oo P.M., I’m going on the Mike Gault radio show in Clearwater, Florida to discuss the Iran nuclear crisis. I don’t know the station’s ID yet, but I’ll post it when I do.

Fox Host to Be Named White House Spokesman

By TERENCE HUNT, AP White House Correspondent
Wed Apr 26, 4:34 AM ET

Conservative pundit Tony Snow will be named White House press secretary, Republican officials said Tuesday night, in the latest move in President Bush’s effort to remake his troubled White House.

Read More

Pick your snarky comment:

1 – I thought he already was the White House spokesman!
2 – Is he eligible for back pay?
3 – Does this headline seem redundant to you?

At the end of my column this week, I printed the e-mail address of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran and joked that readers should sign him up for gay porn.

Last night, I was actually CC’d on an e-mail sent to President Ahmadinejad by one of my readers, a woman named Shana Thompson.

Did Ms. Thompson. criticize Ahmadinejad for being a holocaust denier?
Did she criticize him forinching the world closer to nuclear war with his inflammatory rhetoric?
Did she appeal to him to stop imprisoning and murdering political dissidents?
Did she ask him why he would send school children into battle as human minesweepers?

Nope. None of the above.

Ms. Thompson. used her e-mail to apologize “on behalf of most Americans” because I joked about signing him up for gay porn spam.

From: Shana T.
Subject: i’m sorry…
Date: April 20, 2006 9:07:34 PM EDT
To: dr.ahmadinejad@president.ir
Cc: andisheh@creativeloafing.com

on behalf of most american citizens, i would like to apologize for the
possible influx of gay porn that may be headed to your email inbox.

it’s socially irresponsible and disrespectful to you as a person to be
subjected to this gross display of immaturity.

all americans are not so cruel.

thank you for your time.

I especially love the “thank you for time” bit at the end. “Gee, Mr. President, I know you’re really busy sending your goons out to hunt and kill homosexuals, so I really appreciate you pausing to read my e-mail.”

Curious to find out what kind of person would go out of their way to defend a mass murderer from harassment, I did some Googling and discovered that this was not Ms. Thompson’s first letter to a despot. It’s just one of a series that goes back decades.

From: Shana T.
Subject: i’m sorry…
Date: Year Zero plus 6
To: p.pot@khmerrouge.net

Dear Mr. Pot-

On behalf of most Americans, I’d like to apologize for the totally one-sided depiction of your government in the movie “The Killing Fields.” It’s disrespectful of you as a person. No omelettes without some broken eggs, right?

Thank you for your time.

From: Shana T.
Subject: i’m sorry…
Date: June 19, 1978 6:19:45 PM EDT
To: bokassa@centralafricanrepublic.net

Dear Mr. Bokassa

On behalf of most Americans, I’d like to apologize for all of the times that reporters have referred to you as a cannibal.

Cannibal is such a hateful, pejorative name. All Americans are not so cruel. I’m sure that if you ate any of your people that you had a good reason. Maybe they’re just delicious!

Bon appetit and thank you for your time.!

From: Shana T.
Subject: i’m sorry…
Date: March 2, 1945 12:01:11 PM EDT
To: adolfhitler@3rdReich.com

Dear Mr. Hitler-

On behalf of most Americans, I’d like to apologize for all of the bombs we keep dropping on Berlin. I know you’re a busy man and it must be murder trying to get a decent night’s sleep with all of that exploding and stuff.

I’d also like to apologize for Charlie Chaplin’s satirical depiction of you in “The Great Dictator.” It was, like, totally uncalled for, and frankly not nearly as good as his earlier work.

Thank you for your time.