“I was excited to spend Christmas with my true love. When they got me a partridge and a pear tree I was disappointed, but I didn’t think much of it. Don’t complain about gifts, right? By day seven though I had 23 birds. Not just small ones. There were geese. My roommate was chill about the partridge and doves but she was not having swans. Don’t get me started on the lords-a-leaping. Eventually my landlord intervened.”